Visit with Colby was medicine for Mommy!

I knew that they would be coming but these last couples of days have been very hard for Mommy.  I have been an emotional wreck.  I have wondered "Why us?", "Why my baby?", and worried about what is to come.  I know deep in my heart that our God has a plan and I must be patient to see what it is.  I know that Colby is making a difference already---even with just this short amount of time he has been with us.  I just needed to have a pity-party.  I know I won't make it through this time in the hospital without a few more of these days but they are brutal.

Everyone keeps telling me that I don't have to be strong, that I can let go and cry.  I know this is true but if you know me...I don't do this very well.  I am not usually an emotional person that cries easily.  I feel like I am in a funk and I couldn't figure out a way to get out of it.

Then I realized that I needed to give God my worries back...I know my baby boy is going to come out of this healthy and strong and we just have to get through the next few 2 1/2 months so we can bring him home!  I know that God has a plan and Colby came when he was supposed to in order to live that plan out.  I know God has put Jason and I in this position to learn how to trust, grow in our faith, and make us better, stronger parents and stronger Christians.  I also know that our family is extremely blessed to have our little one alive and getting stronger everyday.  We may have a long road ahead but we are going to make it!

Which brings me to our visit with Colby this afternoon.  Visiting with Colby brings a smile to my face and sends this warm sensation from my heart out.  I just love watching him.  He has been doing so well today but his nurse had just gotten some blood to do some tests and he wasn't very happy.  She went ahead and turned him on his back (yet another reason for him to get worked up) and suctioned his mouth to see if that would help (nope...not so much).  So his oxygen SAT wasn't doing very well...it was reading as low as 68 up to 75!  Not where we want it at all!  (I like for the number to be in the low to mid 90s!) 

Our nurse didn't want to go up on his oxygen if at all possible...so she told me to put my hands in there and touch him and talk to him to see if I could settle him down.  His little (big) feet were tucked in so I could only gently push/hold the ball of his foot and gently lay my hand on his head.  I started talking to him and pretty soon his SAT started moving up and up.  He finally seemed like he was settling down and I was able to take my pinky finger and let him try to hold onto it. He had opened his eye to look at mom and dad but you could tell he was getting sleepy.  His SATs went up to 95 at one point!!  Go mom!  When we left he was sleeping and his oxygen SAT was back in the low 90s!  I just thank God for giving me that special time with Colby and for letting me know things are going to be alright!

Thanks for listening to me blab!
Brie

P.S.
He was having a good day...talked to the doctor and his x-ray looked better than yesterday, his tummy on the x-ray looked better as well.  Blood gases were coming back good and his platelet count was doing good (they check that in the mornings).  They were going to move his amplitude down by one and his mean pressure was at 11.  :)